Consider supporting this project.
All posts by LAnthony
Is an alcoholic or drug addict making you sick Part 2
Is an alcoholic or drug addict making you sick Part 2.
Today my father would have been 77. He died from alcoholisim. I wanted to remember him today with this important message from 800recoveryhubblog. For family members of addicts.
Get well soon.
Part one talked about the 12-step fellowship called Al-Anon. As a quick review — Al-Anon is a group that can help a person who is in pain, caused by a loved one’s alcoholism or addiction.
But, what if you have tried five or six meetings and it just does not work for you? Or, what if you like it, but you feel like you need additional help? There are alternatives.
Therapy and counseling
Look for a counselor that has experience with addiction and/or co-dependency. This is especially helpful, if you prefer a one-on-one setting. Some people are shy, and feel more comfortable sharing their feelings in a private environment. But, if you like group support, there are group therapy programs too. If you feel that you have some issues other than co-dependency, individual psychotherapy or psychiatry might be a better fit. This is particularly important for people, suffering in a way that is treated by medication.
Support of Friends and Family
These people may not have a therapeutic background, but they love you and know you best. Confiding in your loved ones can provide tremendous relief. It can be beneficial to talk to people who can be straightforward with you and point out things, that your might have missed. Just make sure you are honest about what is wrong and they will give you that “second pair of eyes” that you need. I find it interesting that many times, you will share your burden with another person, only to find out that they have been through something similar.
Research
By searching for articles, chats or online groups regarding addiction and co-addiction, you can gain a better understanding of your own behavior. One word of caution, take the information in small bites, so you do not get overwhelmed. I particularly like the .gov sites. They are straightforward and typically un-biased.
If you like reading things on paper, rather than a screen, go to the library. Educating yourself with books on co-addiction, co-dependency and addiction, can help you understand the causes of the condition. It’s easier to find a solution when you can fully understand the problem. By educating yourself you can start to put the pieces together and see the big picture.Change something
Being around an alcoholic or addict (who refused to get help) is like breathing in second-hand smoke. After I while, it is going to bother you. It is hard to feel confident and strong when you are living with someone who does not want to get better. Sometimes space and distance can help you focus on yourself. It’s healthy to get a new perspective and realize that you can live your own life.
Get out of Denial
Many people justify an unhealthy relationship with an addict, because they truly believe that the person is going to die, without their aid. Also, it is easy to get lost in the other person’s problems and focus all of your energies on their addiction. It feels comfortable not having to look at yourself. From personal experience, any money or support I received while “using” just made me worse. I got help after my family, severed all ties and literally “hid” from me. I’m serious. I am so grateful they had the strength to practice “tough love”. They still feel bad about it, but I thank them all the time, for it was a gift.
Look at the following to test your enabling scale. Do you do any of the following?
- Failing Responsibilities. Inattention to work, parenting, friends and other responsibilities. Putting your things on the back burner every time the loved one had some drama.
- Failing Emotions. Do You find yourself becoming anxious with anger, worry, depression, and fear over the other person’s behavior? Your feelings are enmeshed in theirs.
- Self-Care. Are you neglecting your looks and hygiene. You don’t buy new clothes, put off getting a haircut and constantly eat unhealthy? This is because of all of your energy is spent on the addict/alcoholic. You find little time to shower, brush your hair, teeth, or take care of your personal appearance the way you like or the way you used to.
- Lying and Keeping Secrets. You find yourself making stories to cover up for the other person’s behavior. You lie, because it is too embarrassing to tell the truth.
- Not enjoying life. You feel unworthy. You used to play sports, read, dine, and watch movies with friends. You don’t do those things anymore, because they are not enjoyable and/or you do not have the time.
If you don’t take care of yourself, you will get mentally and physically ll. But I have found that when the pain gets bad enough, you will be motivated to find some relief. If you still don’t know where to turn ….simply contact the author at 800 Recovery Hub.
Share this:
Through it all, there was a dog
Because life is about getting back up. I don’t think it can be described much better than this, the way Jennifer puts it. And a dog too!
Share this:
Mental Toughness
By taking a little time each week to apply good advice, we can make life changing progress.
Share this:
Will Smith on Film, Failure & Love
“I never would have looked at myself in that way. I was a guy who, when I was 15, my girlfriend cheated on me, and I decided that if I was number one, no woman would ever cheat on me. All I have to do is make sure that no one’s ever better than me, and I’ll have the love that my heart yearns for. And I never released that and moved into a mature way of looking at the world and my artistry and love until the failure of ‘After Earth,’ when I had to accept that it’s not a good source of creation.”
That quote was from an interview in Variety this year.
In the article is a reference to how he dealt with that film, as it turned out to be the biggest failure of his life. I thought ‘what an amazing comment‘. Clearly Will Smith is both driven and successful judging by common standards. We often think of the famous as role models we should learn from and try to emulate. But in this instance I think I can take away something from this abject calamity. If Will Smith can learn a valuable lesson in this situation, then I most certainly could.
I sometimes think people like Will experience so much success, so little in the way of setbacks – every thing, interaction, or endeavor they encounter occurs relatively free from the gravity of what the rest of us deal with on a daily basis – that I rationalize the world has to be different for them. The same rules don’t apply.
But I am so wrong.
Will Smith was soon to discover that his father had cancer.
I would submit to you that there were a number of reactions for him to choose. And each would bring its own set of consequences. How do you suppose you would have responded? Perhaps I pose an unfair question.
Let me instead share what it is that I am able to gain from this story. Simply this. We can learn at least one thing from every dead end that we come to. When we apply those lessons our lives are then changed for the better, regardless of how low we’ve fallen. I think I can appreciate the experience in that respect. I can find hope in that too. And hope is good.
So what did Will Smith say that he learned? Here is what he said. I think you’ll decide it was worth it.
“That Monday started the new phase of my life, a new concept: Only love is going to fill that hole,” Smith said. “You can’t win enough, you can’t have enough money, you can’t succeed enough. There is not enough. The only thing that will ever satiate that existential thirst is love. And I just remember that day I made the shift from wanting to be a winner to wanting to have the most powerful, deep and beautiful relationships I could possibly have.”
Share this:
Links & Quotes—Special Supreme Court Issue
Share this:
How To Make a Blog Post!
I like this one
Share this:
Today’s Controversy: Yesterday’s Race Question
“My fellow white Americans, I know this will discomfit some of you, but Barber was right: The killer remains at large, and the killer is us. Collectively we remain committed to beliefs and behaviors that result in the destruction of black lives.”
The passage above comes from the opinion piece of Edward E. Baptist in the Los Angeles Times. After reading it, I wonder what opinions you might have. The title of the article is Forgiveness won’t atone for 400 years of racial violence in America.
Share this:
How to relate to your undergrad
I saw this popular image- Is the glass half-full- on a friend’s Facebook post and immediately thought of my students who have yet to declare a major. Whether you counsel or advise college students, parent them, or just are one, this nagging concern will not go away.
There are those among us who believe they know what they will be when they grow up and have no such angst. But for the rest of us, might I suggest some factors to consider. First of all so many in the current generation will not have the one and only career or two before they are through, but dare I say three or more? Going by that premise perhaps the best choice is to find a study that you 1) can excel in 2) have a passion for, and 3) will expose you a broad set of knowledge that could benefit you in several different areas.
While figuring out what you are good at could be fairly simple – having “passion” for school is not. It is quite a tricky hill to climb and often involves a fear that time will b
e lost, irrecovable time, major hopping with little or nothing to show for it in the end (beyond massive debt). So this should be where some amount of investment of effort could pay real dividends. There are books, very helpful ones, that can steer a person to what they would be most attracted to. Surveys can be found in the career counselling office or online. The military has been using them successfully for decades. These are not failsafe, and the person who says ‘I do not know at all what I want to do’ can find frustration instead of the answer that was hoped for.
Which leads to the third aspect of the decsion. Subjects that expose you to broad areas often avail you of the chance to learn about unfamiliar fields which you could transition into with some minor adjustments.
Employers agree that the degree you select should develop your communication skills. It should also bring out your creative juices. Hopefully it will help you learn to adapt to changing circumstances, to think critically, and to solve the problems in front of you. And if you want to know why professors keep giving group assignments, the answer is that to be successful in business you will not only participate in cooperative teamwork, but you will collaborate with others who need you as much as you need them.
While this is the short list, it is enough for you to begin your search. Here is a list of some of the degrees that are believed to bring out the greatest amount of skills useful for the widest range of professions. So look them over and find one that lines up with your scores in the first two areas mentioned above. Don’t worry if this list doesn’t work for you. Just pick one of the other degrees that interests you and see to it that you can get more than a diploma from the experience.
-
Engineering
-
Business
-
Educating
-
Nursing
-
Finance
-
Web Design
-
Computer Science
-
Biotechnology
-
Accounting & Applied Math
-
Environmental Science
Share this:
Aloha; Or (The Establishment of an Obscure Sense of Humour and Taste)
This is a nice review of a very pleasant film.
